If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
