Say something about gay babies.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My breasts were aching with rage.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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