I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
