I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
