nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
