my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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