I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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