I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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