Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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