i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
