she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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