whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
