its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
