I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
