Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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