I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
