drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
