just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
