and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
