What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
