if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize