Buhtt sex?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
