New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
