The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
