This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
