Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
