Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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