Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
