i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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