I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
