Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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