I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We don't watch enough power rangers
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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