Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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