Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize