The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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