im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
