he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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