bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
