i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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