im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
