I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
