Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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