In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
