Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
