I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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