So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
