I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
50% drunk capacity currently
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
