96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
