my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
