im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
