Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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