The best revenge is premature balding
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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