Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
