if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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