he fucked my hip out of place.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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