I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
...so i touched it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Randomize
