I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
